angry funny phone 2

So Me and Richard get a kick out of dreaming up funny telephone answers we’d love to say to customers. Of course we would never have the balls to actually say them but I thought it would be funny to post them up nonetheless. Maybe one day on April fools or something we’ll pull out the entire list and use every one, then sit back and wait for a backlash of complaints. The following are the most common and mundane questions we get everyday and our responses to them if we ever won the lottery. Yes, some of them are pretty lame so if you can think of better ones please share them on our facebook page posting for this blog post. Best one gets a free Hildbrandt tattoo machine of their choice!  Winner will be chosen by number of likes to the comment you post. Winner chosen on June 20th.

Answering the call..

1. ‘Hulk’s deli. You order, we SMASH!”
2. In husky voice “Sexy Richard’s Make the Magic Happen Hotline…”
3. Whisper loudly “shutup! shutup! we finally have a customer…”
4. “Sorry we are out of tattoo supplies, yes, someone bought everything..”

When will my order arrive?

1. “soon”
2. “patience is a virtue…”
3. “we have 2 options, turtle dance and crawling snail..”

How will my order ship?

1. “Superman is hard on cash, so he’ll fly it over”
2. “Yo, picture this buddy, Hot air balloon, we deliver your shit in style”
3. “We are perfecting the cross state catapult”
4. “See the Bat-mobile parked outside and the dude in a bat costume with brown shorts?”


1. After every product added, whisper “sexy choice”
2. Ask customer to hold and yell “seriously Chris, put that shit away, no one wants to see your cock”
3. Every product inquiry, answer with “umm.. no, we don’t have those, you know where we can get one by the way?”
4. “Sorry David is no longer with us, he was shot by a tattoo gun”